Pondering

I was just sitting, pondering over yesterday…….

You see, I went out with mum as usual, we ended up in M&S – just for a change – and finding they had 20% off household, I soon had my eye caught by  throw and cushions which I thought would brighten up my livingroom. I don’t really want to spend money on a new settee, due to my early retirement my income levels are somewhat reduced, so I thought ok why not.!

I get home and, of course, need to get it all organised, so settee needs to be stripped of everything, and you can’t put new stuff on without cleaning, so hoover is brought out, attachments put on…. Eventually get to the stage of pulling settee out and starting to place the throws and get them to fit the settee, arrange cushions, push it back, then hoover the full room, then dust the whole room, then hoover the hall and kitchen….. then old cushions to be put away, old throw in machine……..by which time I am soaked to the skin, it is so humid and I am so tired and really fighting to keep going. Go to make a cuppa and see dishes still waiting to be washed, so do them, when I eventually sit down with a cuppa and a glass of water for the pills, I can feel everything tightening and crunching and stiffening up, and sure thing try to stand and oh my goodness, it took several goes. I had been looking forward to a shower and standing under the hot water and into clean nightie etc., but there was no way on earth I would manage that. However, those with similar health issues will understand and empathise, I got the enjoyment of both buying and seeing the end result, I couldn’t not see it all done, and, if I hadn’t done it then, I would have finished the day on a downer both by not seeing the result, and knowing it was still to be done without the benefit of the adrenalin!!

I made an informed choice to – in essence – cause myself pain and fatigue, but to have the same full experience – like anyone else would, of seeing the results of my days work the same day. Next day I can get up and enjoy the sight of the work done, possibley crawling there, but hey ho, I can have a quiet day and potter about keeping moving gently. The other consideration is that I might have not been able to do it the next day, so the frustration would be overwhelming and probably end in a cry of “no fair!”. This is my life and the life of many many other people with chronic illness, everything is a balancing act, everything is a trade off, everything has to be considered to try and get the best out of a situation, even something so mundane as what I did yesterday.

This is now “tomorrow” I feel rotten, I am sore, I am so tired I could cry, my hands are swollen and red, my eyes are all sore and a little bit on the pink side, my guts are very unhappy and my head is so sore. As soon as I can, I am in that shower, clutching the rail and letting the hot water pound down and hopefully loosen me up a bit, I will then put on some nice loose comfy clothes and go through and let my new bright settee cheer me up, read, watch Tv/DVD whatever takes my fancy, for as long as I can.