Wednesday, 13 January 2010

Some New Thoughts

Thought it had been a while since I had a ramble so here goes...

Feeling very down, after all the health issues since the beginning of December, ending with the bad reaction to antibiotics - combined with the weather have managed to be stuck in the flat for over a month. Put paid to Christmas, of course, but not a lot could be done about it. The wore bit now is I have been left with a sore and stiff neck.

For most people this would be a real pain (!) but with my AS it is very depressing. My posture, bad enough at the best of times (AS causes a bending of the spine)is now just terrible. Bent right over so cannot raise head to look much further than the floor in front when walking.

Most people will assume that as I am so bent normally this wouldn't be too awful, but I can assure you it is a huge deal. It makes me feel such a freak, I know people will all be looking at me and when you get the "aww poor soul" look it just brings it home how awful I look. Ok maybe I shouldn't get so upset at how I look, but when you are all distorted like this it is bloody painful too. Not pain - in this instance- in the neck,though this is pretty bad, but when you have walked for a wee while its all the other bits of your body that are having to compensate.

So as I have had to cancel a hairdressing appointment, my next one on 1 February, has had me trying to think what to do. Need cheering up and fancy a change. Had blonde highlights for most of my life so fancy a change. After some chat on Twitter I am thinking of chocolate brown with damson/plum highlights. As I remember telling a work colleague a few years ago, If I keep the hair looking good, wear the make up, chunky/funky jewellery, then it helps to keep people looking at those things and not the rest of the twisted old body!!

Got a meeting with surgeon in a couple of weeks, will be interesting to see what is decided. My hiatus hernia has caused,I am told, most of my stomach to now be settled in my chest cavity,which combined with my bent back means that I have been finding I get breathless very quickly. The problem now is that as we have checked via xray's and cat scans there is no reason apart from the above for how I have been, should we operate to shove the stomach back down to where it should be. One of the main concerns,as always,is that because of my AS I have very little movement in my neck (even less at the moment) which make it difficult for the anesthetist. Oh well will see what he thinks.

If weather ok later today, hope to get dressed and wander round the corner. Have a fabulous wee shop which sells jewellery, handbags, scarves, candles etc etc, usually try to avoid it as there as I always seem to see something I just must have. The last time was a handbag - but it is gorgeous and I have lost count of the number of times I have been asked by strangers where I got it. Still could do with a little cheering up.

It would be so nice even just to chat. The owner of course knows me quite well by now and we usually have blether, though not very good at this at the moment. When I am going through a bad time, pain wise, I do tend to withdraw, even on twitter, watching and interested just not joining in much!!

Well maybe I should try again to get some sleep.

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