Tuesday, 21 April 2009

Moans for the day

Feeling a bit fed up today so decided to put down my feelings.

I had to give up work a year and a half ago due to health problems, which was fairly traumatic, partly because of the feeling of stress before I left due to a really horrible atmosphere in my work place, and partly because it was having to admit I couldn't struggle on any more. Luckily I had great help from my GP and of course family. There was, of course, the basic changes to life style, including no purpose to my day and lack of money. My work pension is peanuts, previous work pension even smaller,no state pension as too young. Discovered I qualified for Disability Living Allowance, which helped, even getting a free travel card sue to disability was a great help.

At first I quite enjoyed it could have music on and potter around to my hears content. Make as much noise as I wanted and take my time to try and keep the place in order. However soon after my partner had the chance to change his position at his work to gain extra money, but more importantly to work inside. I supported him in this- after all he had fully supported me with my changes, but I have to admit I really didn't fully understand how this would impact on me.

He arrives home around 5.30AM this is of course me wide awake then, although he has his own room-easier all round for all sorts of reasons, he then goes off to sleep. So I then find myself with several hours of tiptoeing around trying to make as little noise as possible. He gets up in the early afternoon which is then spent in his room on his computer or watching sport on his TV. This my time to do anything noisy -hoovering etc. He then goes back to bed around 4.30 till 7.30, so back to creeping around. We each have our own meals at night as he eats much later than I can. Then he is off at 9.

He also seems to feel that as he is working and I am not, that the house is up to me. He does little and sees nothing. Dirt, untidiness are all things he is completely unaware of. He forgets I gave up work as I couldn't keep going physically-I mean the last time I broke my back (that's right the LAST time) was hoovering and bent down to pick up a bit fluff and CRACK! It gets very frustrating just trying to keep on top of things and the standards are not as I would wish, but have to accept. I cope most of the time, but all it needs is for someone to be visiting me and I get so uptight. I have a friend visiting tomorrow, and have started worrying what she must think...... silly really as she knows my situation very well.

Then there is the general shabbiness, but although I have to money to do some work, afraid to spend it as so little coming in.

Yesterday, was so good, the sun was out so I was able to get out and about, met mother, had coffee, look round the shops, bought a couple of wee things, and it felt like I was on holiday. Today back to rain, so sitting in living room - quietly-and churning a bit...

Looking forward to the improvement in the weather as it does mean I can escape - that is the correct word - although often I come home pretty knackered, and might have to go to bed, at least felt part of the world out there for a while!

I am waiting for some hospital tests, which when sorted out, will hopefully mean that mother and I can get away for at least a long weekend - up North, and have a wee break. No holidays of any kind last year due to health issues.

Well enough moaning for one day!! One of the good things about Twitter is being able to chat or just "listen in" to others, and to know others are interested in you..Byeeee for now

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