I find this quite a difficult one, probably I think, because it
is!
I can tell myself all the right things, gee myself up to go out,
and feel great, but when I meet people, new or old, I can often be found to
just quietly withdraw. Especially with a group of people, I find I just don't feel confident in a crowd any longer. I do find myself feeling so out of the
loop, boring, nothing to talk about and so on.
After spending my whole life working, suddenly because of my circumstances, my world has shrunk so much. While I will never miss the job, I do miss the mixing with people, the social side to working. I was mixing with all sorts of people, all sorts of ages and backgrounds. I chatted each day to all sorts of people, tenants, other departments, tradesmen. While these days I can go days with only seeing my OH briefly.
Apart from that it’s me, the cats, the TV and the laptop.
I am not too bad, one on one, as I like to think I am a good listener, but in a crowd, I pull on my invisibility cloak. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t feel I am inferior as such, I just have little to say, because of this small, shrinking world I now inhabit.
I can be walking
around, say in the shopping centre, leaning on a trolley and looking in the
windows, then see my reflection……..and it often will really knock the wind from
my sails. I don’t mean that in a narcissistic way, just that I still think of
myself as I was, 6 inches taller, a few stone lighter and with a straight spine.
Even after all these years the reality can still take my breath away, and
obviously affects my self-esteem. Any self-confidence I had mustered in order
to get out, goes straight out the window!
It can become such a catch 22 situation, the less you do it, the
less you want to do it, the less you socialise, the more difficult it is. I
can’t see an answer to this for me, as my circle gets ever smaller, so do the
opportunities.
However, I shall continue to strive to get out and about, to try
and have a little more confidence, the poster below I feel is wholly
appropriate to me and others in similar situations, but it is not easy, but then why should we expect to be?
I know where you are coming from, I also was the confident, sociable person at work but there it stayed, I have never been good in a group or found socialising easy and although I had to force myself when younger I find it quite comforting now not to have to. Like you there are many things I miss but I guiltily admit to being secretly pleased not to have to force myself into social situations any more.
ReplyDeleteGentle Hugs!!
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