Saturday, 2 July 2011

We never learn do we????

I had a night from hell last night, even the cat took one look at me and snuggled - sure sign he knows something is up.

I had been out for a few hours earlier in the day, really enjoyed getting out even though it was only for shopping,but also got a new pair of fab trainers at half price. They have really bouncy soles and so absorb all the shock from walking in urban areas, so should suit me! However I felt totally exhausted when I got home, felt ill as I was so tired. tried to stay  up and about so I would have a good nights sleep, but gave up and went to bed around 6.30. OH has to be up at 8 for his work, so had a terrible job staying awake to make sure he woke up, so when he left at 9, I just passed out. I had had no dinner as not hungry and couldn't be bothered, yet I woke up at back of 11 with throat and mouth full of acid. My hiatus hernia was just reminding me it was still there. So I jump out of bed, rush to get some cold water to drink and drink to clear it, then made cuppa to take back to bed, and of course must then stay upright. I read for a while, but eyes kept closing, but then I would wake again as sitting, thus set the pattern for the rest of the night till around 4-5. I decided then I had to try and lie down, I did and eventually fell asleep, only to be woken up by mum phoning at 8 as I usually phone her then so she wandered why I hadn't! She was busy hanging out washing as such a nice sunny day.

Now this is the reason for my title - why do I insist on feeling lazy or guilty or whatever the hell it is, when I hear that others are up and working! I feel I too must get up, strip bed, and half straight into the machine. Had a rest as I felt very nauseous, then made up fresh bed, with cats help !!, had to get dressed of course, to go out and put washing line up, then hang first load, and put second load in the machine. So then looked for any other washing I had, may as well make use of weather and line being out.

I just could not relax and try to get a bit more sleep had to be up to be seen that I was doing my chores etc etc I am the one that keeps telling others  to be kind to themselves and pace themselves and not do too much, wish I would listen to myself !

Well its done now, load 3 in machine, 4 organised and ready, feel like I am sleep walking, cannot eat anything and feel sick, but, my reasoning is, I would be feeling the same if I stayed in bed but would have the work still to do..... In fairness to myself, I know a big part is that we get so few good days, feel I must take advantage as if washing left till tomorrow it might be raining.....honest


  1. Because we are women and feel guilty if we are not doing household stuff when we are not working. Did two loads of washing myself before I collapsed on sofa. vacuuming will have to be tomorrow as haven't the strength. But will annoy me everytime I look at it because not done.
    It seems like we feel we have to keep doing things ,to try and show we are ok when we aren't.I think you should ask about a home help through GP or something as you really should be trying to rest more .If you don't you wil end up having more bad days than good days and not be able to go out!
    I understand why you do it but wish you would rest more xx *hug*.

  2. It's so hard to find the balance. I sure struggle with this. I don't want to be seen as lazy, when I am really ill or severely fatigued. And I know that for me, the pain is way worse when I am up and around too much, but .... I keep pushing myself to contribute and then pay for it.