Tuesday, 4 June 2013


Still in the midst of trying to get my life into a more balanced place - what I want, what others need from me, not easy, specially when you add the health side of things into the equation.

Went out shopping with mum today, just because she really wanted out the house and was feeling very depressed. I was not feeling to good, had not slept too well, but  could tell with her voice that I had to make the effort. Off we go, out to our usual shopping place. We did get some things returned, mum found a few things in the sale ( tall and slim so easy to find clothes that look great), and insisted on giving me money to buy myself something as she had realised (despite my best efforts) that I wasn't great. I have to keep telling her she doesn't have to give me money, but if she buys something for herself I have to get something too! bought a cheap basic T shirt, but not good enough, so we made the mistake of going into Monsoon. I do love that shop, though for me it is more expensive than usual. I was wearing blue linen trousers I had bought online - and which are a great fit (not easy with my body!) and as I walked down the shop, I swear this blouse waved its arms at me, it certainly caught me eye, and had my size. I clutched it and went off to try it on, it fitted, and I was in love, that blouse was mine, didnt care if mother liked it or not - she did, inn fact she liked it so much she bought it, despite having already given me money, I reminded her, but she wanted the responsibility for the purchase!.

Still daft as I have no social life, but I care how I dress, and I will get pleasure from it.  Mum is getting her hair done tomorrow and as the salon is across the road, that will be tomorrow taken care of........

I might manage to have a 'day off' on Thursday before shopping day Friday, or the other way round. That is a laugh, of course, 'day off', day to do the household chores.Cause I am disabled, no longer able to work, I apparently have all the time in the world to do whatever I want, so therefore all the chores can be done by me etc etc etc, then like today, we had to walk at a brisk pace across 2 roads to get to the taxi rank. I arrived with hair sticking to my face, limping and sounding like an asthmatic (I am not one) it took me ages to breath properly, and for the shaking legs to still, the back spasms to stop, then I am reminded that I am not as mobile or a capable as I try to think I am.

When you are running, ok, walking round your own wee space, you are ok, you are working within such a small area, that it is so easy to forget, that the walk round the corner to the bus stop can wind you - badly. That the walk round the corner to the supermarket - the walk round the supermarket, and then home, wheeling whatever you have bought - is impossible!!

Never mind the sun is out, I can see it out the window, so folk generally feel happier. I wish at this time I still lived in a house and had my own wee garden with a degree of privacy so I could sit outside and read in the fresh air, but hey, at least I have my flat, many people are far far worse off.

Must stop rambling now, so till the next time byeeeee

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